Three Word Wednesday

                                      

Erode; verb: (Of wind, water, or other natural agents) gradually wear away (soil, rock, or land); gradually destroy or be gradually destroyed.

Heart; noun: A hollow muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation; one's mood or feeling; the central or innermost part of something; verb: Like very much, love.

Observe; verb: notice or perceive (something) and register it as being significant; watch (someone or something) carefully and attentively; fulfill or comply with (a social, legal, ethical, or religious obligation).

                             April Showers Bring May Flowers

“And how are we today April?” asked the voice I’d learned to dread

I answered “Fine” because I thought if I didn’t bad things would happen.

I still puzzle why I am here in this sterile white walled place… but never aloud, the one time I did the repercussions were not something I wanted to repeat. Somehow a padded room and a jacket were not at all comfortable. I realized the man had been droning on and I had not heard one word.

“April why are you here?” The voice in the white coat asked almost sighing

“I wanted a vacation spot?” I spouted my heart beating fast

“April, we talked about this. You use humour as a defense mechanism but we need to talk about what happened the night of May 10^t.h.  

 “Nothing happened.” I answered quickly I was never going tell anyone what happened that night, not ever. I bit my lips as if to keep them from speaking.

“I know you are scared but you need to talk about that night to get better. Trust me April am your doctor and I need to know what happened to you in order to help you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” I persisted frightened if I talked about this it made it real. Reality was not a place I cared to live.

“April, I’m sorry but you are making it difficult for both of us. We have to get to the bottom of this in order to resolve your difficulties.” He persisted injecting something into my arm.

I felt myself floating way from him deeper inside my own body. From far off I hear a voice say

“Why do you persist in this doc? April is an innocent she wasn’t there that night. I was.”

I was puzzled someone else was there the night Jerald died? The only thing I remembered from that night was the blood that clung to my shirt and somehow got on my hands. I also remembered the rough treatment from the police before I passed out and found myself here in a padded room dressed in a strait jacket. Was this the person who killed Jerald? I wanted to see them but this deep sleep the doctor had put me in kept me trapped only able to listen… and so I did some more.

“What is your name?” the doctor asked sounding surprised

“May” the voice answered

“And what is your purpose May?” asked the doctor

“To bring flowers.” laughed May

“I don’t understand.” commented the doctor

“I was the observer.” May answered

         “Was? Never mind, let’s move on to the same question I asked April.”

“What’s up doc?”

“What happened on the night of May 10th?” asked the doctor

“Happened? Why Jerrald the rat died.” Replied the voice

Jerrald was a rat? What was this voice going on about? They obviously didn’t know Jerrald well. He had his faults yes he was a little too sharp at times. Perhaps a little too easy with his temper but he loved me. I know he did and I loved him. Jerrald had loved me despite the fact that I was a mouse and liked to hide in corners in social situations.

“Jerald like the attention he got with April on his arm. He liked that she was shy and retreating so other men would escape her notice. She was sweet trusting and loveable but he slowly eroded her confidence making her a mouse, hiding in corners lest she offend him.” May said angrily

“And what did you do about this?” the doctor asked

“I, what could I do? I stayed silent until I was needed.” May answered

“But you didn’t stay silent did you, and that made matters worse for April. Didn’t it?”

“I couldn’t stay silent. He was harming her.” May answered

“How was he harming April?” the doctor persisted

“She cried.”

“She cried? When and why did April cry?”

“So many times she cried. When he would go out at night and come home smelling of other women. She cried.” May responded

“So he was cheating on her did that make you angry?”

“I was angrier when he hit her gave her black eye and broke her arm. She cried then too.” May answered and I heard anger in her voice

How had she known of Jerald’s cheatings and his beatings of me? How could she have known? I told no one. She spoke of a broken arm. I had no broken arm and I didn’t remember a broken arm. Yet my arm did ache in the cold and damp. This was curious.

“Does April know about you?”

“April know of me? Not likely is it. How could I protect her if she knew?”

“You protect her then? You don’t allow bad things to happen to her?”

“Didn’t I just say that?” asked May

“Did you protect April the night Jerrald died?” asked the doctor

“I did, Jerrald was trying to kill her. He wasn’t going to stop that night.”

“Tell me what happened.” Begged the doctor

“April was excited. He had promised her a night out. She bought a new dress and had her hair done.” May began

How did she know all this? I wondered trapped in my slumber.

“She thought she was finally going to get a marriage proposal. Frankly I was dismayed. I thought she should leave him not marry him. He however had other plans.” May answered

How did she know this? Did I know this May? I didn’t remember meeting any May. And what was this about Jerald? He had been going to propose to me I know he was.

“Jerald had found another woman he could manipulate better. He decided to kill April.”

Why was she lying about this Jerrald would never hurt me. I thought but then I thought back to all the times he had hit me and given me a black eye. He had hurt me. Could she be telling the truth? No, Jerald wouldn’t kill me. He didn’t have another woman.

“Jerald began by placing the plastic on the floor. I saw him. She was to step on the floor and then he would shoot her but I removed the bullets.”

“You knew and just removed the bullets?” the doctor asked

“Oh no not at first I suspected he was up to something when he put the plastic down but it was only when I saw the bullets being placed in the gun that I knew. I took them out but even that didn’t help.”

“Why didn’t that help?” the doctor asked curiously

“He had a back-up plan. He had the knife he planned to chop her up into little pieces with it.” May explained

“So what happened?” Asked the doctor

I couldn’t believe what this woman was telling him I wanted to leave this fog I was in and shout she lied. Jerrald wouldn’t try to kill me.

“What happened? I observed him He raised the blade to strike her and I fought back. I grabbed the knife and when we were fighting it went in him. I think it struck his heart. Appropriate don’t you think he eroded her heart and I eroded his.”

She had killed him. She claimed to save me but I didn’t remember seeing her. That night was a blank. Could she be telling the truth?

“And you left her to face the police?” the doctor asked

“I couldn’t stay. I stepped out my job was to observe not kill. I couldn’t handle it. I called the police and left.” May answered

“Do you think April knows?” Asked the doctor

“She does now. April’s been listening as we speak. Tell her I’m sorry I had to protect her.”

She knows I’m listening? How does she know that? I wondered

“April I did all to protect you. We are important, worthwhile, and loveable don’t let Jerrald’s behaviour destroy you.” May stated suddenly talking directly to me.

I began crying inside. I didn’t understand what was going on but it made me sad.

“Why are you crying May?” asked the doctor

“I’m not crying April is.”

“April is crying? Does she understand what happened that night?” asked the doctor

“I told she is listening. Aren’t you April? She is crying .I must take charge.” May said taking control.

I understand now May is in charge because I let her be. I couldn’t handle life so she helped me. This conversation happened months ago and still I hide in darkness, May is in charge now she’s living my life. The doctor keeps trying to intricate us but I am reluctant. I am enjoying hiding in the shadows, letting May fix things. May is stronger and wiser than I. She won’t let anyone harm us. She keeps my tears away because April showers brings May Flowers.

©Sheilagh Lee  September 7 ,2011